These fragments I hold

Ironically, I nearly didn’t write this article, which when you read it you will realise is kind of the point of sharing it.

It’s all about stories that matter to you, how you can find yourself in them and also how you can lose yourself, in a good way, when you need to.

This week we’re celebrating the 60th anniversary of Doctor Who. If you’d told me this would be a thing in my life 20 years ago I would have been very surprised. I have a dim memory of a clip of it on TV but it wasn’t something I ever watched as a kid.

The first I really knew about it was watching Queer As Folk in 1999. One of the main characters, Vince, is a Doctor Who fan and I remember thinking, ‘this is an odd plot line’.

When I found out Russell T Davies went on to write Doctor Who it all made sense. I also found out this week the K9 Vince is given for his birthday is a genuine prop!

Doctor Who is now firmly a part of my life because my husband is a fan so I’ve been watching it for 16 years.

One of the things that has stood out for me as I get older is that we so often keep the things that matter to us secret for fear of being laughed at or censured. Doctor Who is one of those things that lots of people enjoy but maybe feel they can’t really admit to.

Even Davies has admitted he used to hide his love of Doctor Who. He wrote about it in this lovely article for The Guardian which echoed a lot of what I was thinking when I first had the idea of writing this post.

I felt like that about Pet Shop Boys for years, and now have it on my LinkedIn bio because you don’t get to be the most successful duo in music history if people don’t like your music.

What’s great about the time that we’re in now is that the things you enjoyed early in life are no longer things you feel you need to hide away in adulthood. Nowadays, tell people you’re a fan and other fans come and talk to you.

And it’s been a joy to see who is a fan.

Last week we stumbled across Dead End: Paranormal Park and binge watched it. Yesterday, the author Hamish Steele published this:

I clicked on a link to a tweet about Good Omens yesterday, looked at the poster’s name, and thought, ‘I recognise them’. They wrote the book we’re currently reading to our eldest – and it turns out, they are also a Doctor Who fan.

When my husband moved in with me he brought with him a box full of Doctor Who novelisations he had had since he was a child.

As Tom Baker’s Doctor said:

There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.

But even better than that, the opportunity exists for the things you loved in childhood to be a part of who you are as an adult. We don’t have to lock these things away.

Davies’ first TV memory is watching Doctor Who. So is David Tennant’s. Their lives would have been totally different if it hadn’t existed.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve seen posts by several people who grew up as fans of the show and now work on it. And children of Doctors have gone on to be involved in Big Finish productions.

As I wrote a couple of weeks ago, I’m currently hyperfixated on Good Omens, hence following the link to the tweet I mentioned above. Life is hard at the moment and it’s become my escape route. I don’t have to think about reality if I can follow Aziraphale and Crowley’s adventures.

Over the weekend I was hiding in a different place in time.

“What are you reading?” My husband asked.

I sat on the stairs feeling a bit embarrassed. “Erm… it’s a fanfic about what happens to Aziraphale and Crowley after Season 2. What about you?”

“I’m reading Scratchman. Tom Baker had an idea for a film which didn’t happen and the plot is Scratchman.”

As I was writing this article, my husband walked in and said: “I’m glad it’s Doctor Who anniversary season because it is the best form of escapism.”

“That’s exactly what I’m writing about!” I replied.

Recently, I listened to David Tennant’s interview with Michael Sheen on David Tennant Does A Podcast With… At the end of the show, Sheen shares a quote from TS Eliott’s The Wasteland, “These fragments I have shored against my ruin”.

Sheen said: “You have to find this stuff. You have to find things, these fragments that you hold to yourself that become like a life raft, especially as time goes on.

“As I’ve got older I’ve realised there is a thin line between surviving this life and going under and the things that keep you afloat are these fragments these things that are meaningful to you and what’s meaningful to you will be not meaningful to someone else. But whatever it is that matters to you, it doesn’t matter what it was you were into when you were a teenager or a kid, go and find them and find some way to like hold them close to you. Make it, go and get it, because those are the things that keep you afloat. These are the fragments that have shored against my ruin.”

What fragments are you holding on to?