What are you saying YES to?

Recently, someone sent me an article from the New Scientist about how to reclaim your time.

I’m all for a time hack.

I’d love a time-turner. Whenever I plan my week, I tend to put a month’s worth of projects in there. For example, my current task list includes writing my new website, decluttering my house, and preparing a new workshop, plus you know, meetings, eating, sleeping, yada yada.

So unsurprisingly, I smiled ruefully as the author, David Robson, wrote about the impact of taking on too many commitments.

This apparently has a name: the “yes-damn effect”.

Which is exactly how I feel when I say yes to something, and then wonder why the hell I’m so maxed out.

As the autumn school term started and I looked forward to getting back to a working routine, I looked at the conference I had booked two days in, and thought ‘damn!’ I’m glad I went. I enjoyed it. But the timing was awkward.

I always forget, whenever I book to go to an event, that by the time it rolls around, I am going to have a whole load of other things which also need to occupy that time.

As I bemoaned there not being 3 of me (one to do my work, one to do all the other things, one to relax on the sofa and sleep), a friend said: “When you say yes to something, you say no to all the other things.”

One door opens: all the other doors slam shut.

I should be careful what I say yes to.

But this week I read Year of Yes (affiliate link) by Shonda Rhimes, writer of Grey’s Anatomy and Bridgerton. Unsurprisingly, it’s a really good read. (Just so you’re aware, the author has children and writes about parenthood a lot, in case you find reading about that difficult.)

Shonda got me thinking about yeses differently. She is wonderwoman! Seriously! I have no idea how on earth she can write 3 shows simultaneously, while juggling family, and everything else. (She is clear she has help, but still! That’s a heck of a lot of writing, nevermind all the rest.)

But it wasn’t the yeses to big events which caught my attention.

It was her decision to ‘yes’ quandaries she encountered. The choices she made when she noticed something and wanted to change her response.

Yes to speaking her mind.

Yes to stepping out instead of hiding behind her characters.

Yes to difficult conversations.

Yes to getting to know people.

Yes, the challenge started out as saying yes to invitations. But along the way, she said yes to a whole new approach to her life.

She realised she said no to things that she thought would distract her from her work, or that she would find hard. She also realised she had unconsciously said yes to things she didn’t want.

When she consciously said yes, she found she was more creative and those difficult situations got easier.

Saying yes wasn’t about double-booking her time. Saying yes enabled her to do things, she couldn’t do before and double-down on being Shonda. And yes, she did close some doors along the way.

I would like to say yes to many of the things Shonda said yes to. Writing that makes me feel nervous. What if I fail? What if it doesn’t work out?

But saying yes is an invitation to explore and have a go. I’m curious to see what happens next.

Shonda Rhimes on why you shouldn’t be a dreamer

Tough love here.

P.S. This is the 4th week of re: writes and I am proud of myself for sticking with it. Thank you for coming along for the ride. I appreciate you.